writingaboutpaintings

Welcome to 2023. I hope you had a good year! When I started this blog , I wanted it to be impersonal and strictly about art and culture. However, sometimes things just evolve naturally and as many things in life, take their own turn despite all your attempts to take over the steering wheel. Hence, today I am inspired to write a different kind of post that could shed even more light into my life journey. As they say, art imitates life and life imitates art. This post then, still doesn’t deviate too much from the theme of this blog.

I initially penned all these down on a paper because I wanted these thoughts to be private. They are namely ten things that I have learnt from the past year. I then changed my mind and decided to create a blog post because I feel like I am ready to share this random reflection I am currently having over the events of 2022. Digitally musing about the prior year enables me to set these fleeting moments in stone, so that I am more inclined to tap into all these life lessons I have learnt. After all, the amazing gift that recorded history gives to mankind is the privilege to be able to learn from the past, no?

1. There is a life and a whole world waiting for me out there. This life could be more amazing, if not at least in equal measure as fulfiling as the one society dictated I should have. The world tells me that my highest ambition should be to be a wife or mother. In not achieving that purported status, I have been declared incomplete. The recent vacation I went on taught me otherwise. I have options and I can have an equally great or greater life if I were to choose another response on the multiple choice question of life. I could be many things other than a wife or a mother and I can still be very happy. Heck, I could be even downright miserable if I were to settle with the wrong person.
2. Never settle for alternatives. Due to a sudden downward turn in my life, I noticed a particular person had been lying in wait for the correct moment to swoop in and offer comfort with the sole purpose of his own benefit. This person really made an impression on me. Indeed, if I didn’t take a moment to step back and analyse the whole situation, he would have kept me hoodwinked to unmeasurable heights. Quoting my favourite poem Desiderata, ‘Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.’ Mr. Vulture has shown me that I should not take anything at face value and to take a pause whenever in doubt, but to always continue to also look at the good in others. Cynicism is also harmful when consumed in big doses.
3. Reject paranoia when it gets too much. On the subject of being careful, being too much so will kill you too. I recently had the displeasure of being near someone who is the very personification of neurosis. You know, just the average Jane who would have five bolts on her door and extra three padlocks just for extra safety. Discard the neurosis, because it will be like a dark cloud over your head always. Strive for a healthy in-between where good common sense and logic prevails. You can’t live life under the tyranny of paranoia.
4. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision comes 90 percent of your life’s happiness or misery. I stumbled upon this one from an Instagram video the delicious Henry Cavill was reading out the most inspiration text message his friend sent him from ‘Life Advice from An Eighty Year Old’. This was number twelve. I recently had the displeasure of crossing the paths of numerous married men who are actively trying to cheat on their spouse, have been cheating, or find it completely appropriate to do so. I put myself in the shoes of the women who still stand behind their men and acknowledge that they are not in the economic, religious nor cultural position to stand up for themselves or walk away easily. I thank God that I am. I would also like to tell my universal sisters who are suffering that continuing to be entrapped in such situations does not make them weak. Being able to tolerate pain they don’t deserve in a thousand lifetimes makes them strong as steel.
5. You can’t argue with crazy. My Turkish vacation has opened doors for me to connect with so many beautiful people. Kindred spirits who are authentic and positive. Of course the balance of the universe dictates that everything can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. I unfortunately also had the displeasure of meeting some scumbags who have been adamant they are aboveboard despite the immorality of their actions. Disengage. Don’t even bother to talk to them. Crazy people win by default always. Let them win. There is no prize at stake. What is at stake will only be your precious time that is squandered on a person who doesn’t merit it.
6. Love thyself. Two major events of the year has led me to see how little I loved myself. I tried hard to get the validation and approval of two people in two instances to the point I was being unfair to myself. The second time it happened, it really gave me some food for thought. Of course , self-love is a work in progress and cannot be established in a limited timeframe. On my perilous journey to self-discovery, I will also endeavour to be patient and kind with myself for every time I slip up. Let’s admit it. The road to self-love is not a linear process. The learning curve might be steep , but the rewards are worth manifold. Let’s take a moment to channel the great songstress Whitney Houston, ‘Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of allllllll.’
7. You don’t have to absorb what people say or do to you. Of course I haven’t reached this state of enlightenment yet. However, I am proud to say that I am a less porous sponge to toxic people. Being a bit more aware of the workings of the human mind enables me to distance myself emotionally from such toxicity. I used to be overly worried about what others thought about me and got very offended when people used to say disrespectful things to me. I realised now that many people can be contradictory in actions and words. They can be kind cherubs one second and suddenly say something completely nasty at any given time for no reason. You do not have to accept what people say. They are not saying things because of you per say. It’s more a reflection of their own issues and mental status. It’s the classic ploy of ‘I will make everyone around me feel / look bad so that I look / feel good.
8. When bad things happen, you can always use them as learning opportunities. I can only say that my life has been more interesting than a Mexican telenovela. Every other day, something dramatic happens. This type of drama that I frequently used encounter was Hollywood blockbuster material. I used to wonder what I did wrong to deserve such unhappy moments in my life. My mistake was that I believed I could change something about that situation that was really not under my control and that increased my anxiety and pain. For instance, if a man were to treat me badly, I felt that I could change him. I would hang onto unhappy situations because I believed that the unpleasantness of the situation was somehow my fault and I needed to fix it. I never once decided to let go and only to ask myself what I could do better next time. You know the feeling after a breakup where you think you would never find another? Well, that feeling has been proven to be wrong every single time because I usually find the successive Prince Charming within a fortnight at most, and would repeat the very same mistakes I was guilty of because I barely had time to reflect on the last failure and was so wrapped up in the feeling of loss. Einstein himself did say that definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Maybe this time I will choose sanity. After all, life is the classroom and adversity is the teacher. At some point I would really like to graduate at the School of Life. I have been repeating the school year too many damn times.
9. Don’t burn bridges. There is someone very special in my life, and I have burnt all bridges with him. I don’t think there is a way back to him. Before I razed that metaphorical bridge to the ground with kerosene and lighter in hand. Someone wise told me right before I committed my heinous metaphorical act to think twice before doing something so drastic. He was right. Now no use crying over spilt milk.
10. Be honest with self. I have greatly outgrown the current life I am in. I refused to see it as changing my life direction will be too painful. God seems to have made this transition easier for me by closing down the school I have been so comfortable working at. I am running on borrowed time at this place of work and I won’t be here long term. The Chinese swear by the proverb ‘short-term pain is better than long-term pain’ a.k.a 长痛不如短痛. I know that if I were to keep living this life that I am so used to, only long-term pain will result. I hope to face up to my own reality that I desperately need a do-over and let’s pray that 2023 will be the year of new beginnings.

I would like to also like to thank someone in my life who has handheld me to get me to a better place mentally in these years. He has my utmost respect and I wouldn’t have been in this place mentally if it weren’t for him.They say the mind is like a garden, you can grow flowers and you can grow weeds. Thank you, Thom for the weeding you have been doing for me. The ‘garden’ of my mind is looking pretty good now thanks to you. This post has been greatly inspired by all I have learnt from him. Just for visual reference (to Thom as well as you readers), my (mental) garden goal for 2023 would look something like Monet’s Garden at Giverny. Lush, magnificent, sun-dappled and well-planned. Complete with the most intoxicating fragrance that fleets gently in the air. There, you will always find an opening. A pathway to an even more beautiful garden- so beautiful that the mind can’t fathom it yet until the time will be ripe. That will be my dream state of my mind. Nothing really comes easy and life can be challenging. But let’s continue to conscientiously study the lessons of life and manifest only what is good, beautiful and true.

Pathway in Monet’s Garden in Giverny , 1904.